i cant believe the new sonic redesign
Gotta sew fast.
why do teapots scream like wtf shut the hell up you piece of shit
[at my own wedding] can I stay in the car
My friend just sent me this and I have been laughing for the last 10 minutes
"so ma’am, how would you like to pay today? cash or check?"
when i lose a pen i just saw two seconds ago
u think i am walking around the house with a blanket around my shoulders because i cold but in actuality it is my cloak and i am on an adventure
sometimes dogs get embarrassed that someone saw them acting anything other than a majestic and stoic beast
i just figured out the perfect murder
kill someone and bury them in their own garden
that way if the police find them they’ll think it was a suicide
#welp looks like the victim committed suicide and promptly buried themselves in their garden #how considerate of them